I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
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He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
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your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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