i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Randomize
