I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
