I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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