I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
