Having a random hookup so left but love u
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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