Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
