Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
