he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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