I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
