I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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