Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
