you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
