yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Ketchup is God's man juice
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
