They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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