Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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