the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
