Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
