there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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