I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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