i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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