walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
