Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
