ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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