I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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