You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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