How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
