We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
