I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
tell your sister to shave her snatch
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
