Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
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