can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
