i barfeds in our rink
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
