Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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