the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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