hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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