you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
