I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
