I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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