he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
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My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
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Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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