I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
