i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
