I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
