I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
