She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
