I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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