So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
