There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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