May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
