You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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