Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
