idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
