His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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