I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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