we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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