U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
