I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
