I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
