i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
