i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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