I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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