you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
