did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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