no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
