Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
