well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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