My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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