Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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