I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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