my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
