It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
