Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
